Arrancar Interviews!
by SaphSoul
Summary: Me interviewing arrancar mostly Espada, I guess characters with hilarious results! If I get enough support I may make one for Shinigami Interviews, and Visard Interviews. Etc.
1. Chapter 1

Hi Guys! I decided to do Espada Interviews! Either way, it's me interviewing Espada members! If you're not sold on that then how about this fact? You get to send in whatever questions you have for your favourite Espada! If that still doesn't have you, think of it this way: I manage to get the guest mad at me and you get to see/ read about how he/she tries to kill the interviewer! Haha! Either way, I'm really looking forward to this. Our first guest is...well, I really want to say Ulquiorra, but just for laughs and the fact that I also LOVE this one...GRIMMJOW JEAGERJAQUES!! So get those questions in people! Please, only send in your questions for the guest that appears. And please make them appropriate questions, nothing about what they wear under their hakama (I'm guessing nothing in Grimmy's case...) and nothing about shippings (although it would be hilarious to picture Grimmy blushing when we ask what his feelings are towards Ulqui-chan...*imagines and rolls around laughing*)

(assistant appears and stares at Saph rolling on the floor, laughing his $$ off) Uh...ummm...I guess what Saph-sama meant to say was to please get your questions in. *bows*


	2. Grimmjow

Saph: Hello! And welcome to Espada Interviews! By the way, I'm considering changing the name of this to 'Arrancar Interviews' because I want to interview some hollows/Arrancar that are not Espadas. Well, I figured out a way to get Grimmjow-san here! He should be dropping in any minute now!

(Large cardboard box drops into the studio from the slot in the ceiling)

Saph: Ah! He's here!

(Box moving, rattling, and shaking from the person inside. Inaudible curses come from the box)

Saph: (Rips open the box to reveal a cursing, tied-up Grimmjow) Really, Grimmjow-san, you really shouldn't swear so much.

Grimmjow: (death glare)

Saph: And after I went to all the trouble of asking Gin to stuff you into a box and mail you to me. I couldn't ask Aizen, he'd just say no and probably kill me. And Tousen is out of the question, he's just say it isn't right and then go into a long-winded speech about his sense of justice...So quit cursing already!

Grimmjow: Damn you! (grabs Saph's throat and holds him up in the air)

(assistant comes in and whacks Grimmjow's legs out from under him)

Grimmjow: F#$%! (kneeling on ground holding his shin) What was that for, runt?

Hikaru: Don't hurt Saph-sama!

Saph: (gasping on the ground) it's alright, Hikaru.

Hikaru: (smiles and skips off stage, happy his precious Saph-sama talked to him)

Saph: Anyway, Grimmjow-san, I asked for you to come today so I could interview you.

Grimmjow: What? Why would I do some s#%$ like that?

Saph: Because you have fans! Just look at that pile of fan mail! (points to mountain of mail) (a single envelope slides down...)

Grimmjow: (stares at it as though he wants to kill it...but then again, he wants to kill anything that moves)

Saph: And the other reason I wanted to call you in today was to ask if I could call you Grimmy! 3!

Grimmjow: (deathglare is back)

Saph: (smiling)

Grimmjow: NO! HELL NO! HECK NO! THAT'S JUST-NO! MY NAME IS GRIMMJOW! GRIMMJOW JEAGERJAQUES! I AM THE SEXTA! THE SEXTA ESPADA!

Saph: Take the first three letters of that title and you've got what millions of people want to do to you.

Grimmjow: Huh? I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU!

Saph: oooh! And how will you do that? Cero? Bala? Or will you do me the pleasure of killing me with Pantera? (eyes sparkling like an anime character)

Grimmjow: (looks at Saph and gets a headache) What the hell man? (has given up) Alright, I'll stay for your interview, just don't do that! (sighs)

Saph: (secretly thinking 'works every time! I just gotta act like a freak and they'll get tired!')

Grimmjow: So? How does this work?

Saph: (smiles) I'm so glad you asked! (snaps fingers)

(chair drops out of the ceiling, hitting Grimmjow on the head)

Saph: Have a seat and we'll get started!

Grimmjow: (death glare is back)

Saph: Anyway, our first question comes from someone called Aoi-Miyuki. He/she wants to ask:

'Is that hair color natural? I want to know and confirm.'

And also, do you do guest appearances where some of the reviewers can make an appearance?

Grimmjow: What?

Saph: She wants to know if that hair color is natural. (tugs at Grimmjow's forlock) and if I do guest appearances. Sadly, doing guest appearances is sorta impossible unless they are sitting right beside me as I work on this.

Grimmjow: (bat's Saph's hand away, cutting him)

Hikaru: (comes in, seeing Saph-sama hurt and beats up Grimmjow)

Saph: Hikaru, that's alright. We need Grimmjow-san still somewhat alive to answer the nice person's question.

Hikaru: I can't forgive him! (glares at half-dead Grimmjow)

Saph: even for me?

Hikaru (perks up and eyes turn into that of an anime character all excited) Saph-sama...

Saph: (smiles) go backstage, Hikaru.

Hikaru: (in some kind of trance brought on by wither adoration or love for Saph) Yes, Saph-sama...

Saph: (stares at Grimmjow's form) Oi. If you're still somewhat alive, answer the person's question.

Grimmjow: ...

Saph: (sighs and goes on top of Grimmjow to check) Well, his roots are the same color, there isn't any trace of dying it. Hmm, maybe he died by drowning in a hair dye factory or something, drowning in this color. Or maybe death does that to people...meh. (gets off of Grimmjow) Hey! Hikaru, can you get me something that will revive Grimmjow-san?

Hikaru: (walks onto stage with a broom.) (jabs Grimmjow with blunt handle)

Grimmjow: OW! That hurt, you little snot!

Saph: Don't yell at Hikaru. (snaps at Grimmjow and gives him a death glare only he can see)

Grimmjow: (scared straight) Y-yes sir...

Hikaru: (yet again in awe of Saph) Saph-sama...

Saph: (smiles and pats Hikaru on the head) go backstage, but keep the broom close.

Hikaru: (nods and skips off stage again)

Saph: Well, now that you're revived we can begin round two! (evil grin)

Grimmjow: (gulps)

Saph: Our next question comes from a person called FallenAngelItachi. Kyaa! Yay! Anyway, he/she (sorry) says:

'Oh, I love Grimmjow, he is my favorite one. Please then, ask him this (and  
now I'm doing my best to tame the fangirl -not the bad fangirl though- inside  
me and not make any too embarassing questions):  
In your fight with Ichigo you were defeated, but he spared you. Then, one of  
your own came and actually tried to kill you (freaking annoying spoony-guy);  
Ichigo saved your life, sparing you twice! Do you think he's half decent guy  
and you actually like him or do you hate him because he protected you and hurt  
your pride?'

Saph: You like Grimmy-chan too? YAY!

Grimmjow: I. Not. Grimmy.

Saph: That's bad grammer, Grimmy-chan!

Grimmjow: (would really like to kill this guy)

Saph: Well, answer the nice person's question!

Grimmjow: Do I think Ichigo's a half decent guy? How does that work? Heck yeah I'm pissed off at Nnoitra for trying to kill me, but I hate everything!

Saph: Well said, but you didn't answer the question.

Grimmjow: Fine! No, I do not think Ichigo's a decent guy! He's a wuss that couldn't stand to see death! Ha! If I ever see that punk again I'll kill him! HA HA HA HA !!

Saph: You'll kill him? No! That would make so many fangirls out there sad! A-And...you can't kill berry-tan! He'll pwn you!

Grimmjow: Why you little-(get's whacked in the head by a broom that Hikaru had thrown) You Twit! (tries to run to kill Hikaru, but is pulled back by a chain that magically appeared around his neck, the other end is held by Saph as he reads the next question)

Saph: Please refrain from killing my assistant, Grimmjow-san.

Grimmjow: Damn. You. All. To. Hell.

Saph: No need for bad language, Grim-kun.

Grimmjow: ARGH!!! Stop with the stupid nicknames!

Hikaru: (comes over and slaps Grimmjow)

Saph: Ah! Hikaru, that's okay. You don't need to kill him.

Hikaru: Saph-sama...(walks off again)

Grimmjow: (stares after kid) What's with him?

Saph: He's my assistant.

Grimmjow: Seems kinda odd for a kid.

Saph: Really? I never noticed.

Grimmjow: (thinks: that's because you're just as odd.)

Saph: What's on your mind, Grimmy?

Grimmjow: (thinks: Oh crap! Did he hear me?!) N-N-Nothing! I-It's just...he seems so infatuated with you or something.

Saph: Wow! Grim-chan knows a big word like that? That's astonishing! I thought the only thing that filled your empty coconut of a head was how to curse!

Grimmjow: DAMN YOU-(a shoe gets thrown at Grimmjow's head)

Saph: Hikaru, that better not be one of our shoes! I don't think we'll ever see it again...

Grimmjow: (ripping shoe to shreds with teeth)

Saph: Aww. Don't worry, Hikaru. I'll buy you a new pair after this.

Hikaru: (Happy)

Saph: You owe me, Grimmjow-san. Those shoes are expensive. Anyway, next question! (searches through pile of fan mail) This one is from Blackheart Ace8. He or she says"

'I would love to know his take on Stark being Espada #1'

Saph: So, answer it, Grimmy-chan!

Grimmjow: I. Am. Not. Grimmy.

Saph: Well, you got the grammar thing right. Fine then! Which do you like better? Grimmy-chan, Grimmy, Grim-kun, Grimmy-tan, Grim-chan, or Grimmie?

Grimmjow: I hate them all.

Saph: Meanie! (cries)

Grimmjow: Great! I can leave! (gets upto walk to the door)

(Hikaru has slid a bar on the door, trapping him)

Grimmmjow: You think that puny bar will stop me, punk?

Hikaru: (welds the door shut)

Grimmjow: Crap! (goes back to chair to sit down) If only I had brought Pantera. Why didn't I bring Pantera?!

Saph: Either way, answer the question! What do you think of Stark being in a higher position than you are?

Grimmjow: I hate his guts!

Saph: You hate everyone's guts.

Grimmjow: Yeah? Well, he's worse! He's a lazy jerk. His fraccion is hot though. Either way, that's beside the point! He's a lazy thing that doesn't deserve the title of the first Espada! I bet you anything if Lilynette didn't scream and wake him up someone could waltz right up to him and take his head, and his position!

Saph: If it's so easy then why haven't you done it?

Grimmjow: (sweatdrops)

Saph: Ah! It's easy in theory! But really, if Stark's the number one Espada, he wouldn't be stupid enough to fall for that! (whispers: unlike some people)

Grimmjow: Why you-(a really big box is thrown at his head)

Saph: Aw! It looks like it's time for you to go!

(Hikaru rushes over to stuff Grimmjow in the box)

Saph: Don't forget the air holes, Hikaru.

Hikaru: (nods, but really knows that he won't put in air holes, he hopes the jerk dies)

Saph: Well, that's all for Grimmjow for now! For all of you that couldn't get your questions in, but would like to, I might bring him back someday!

(Hikaru is dragging the box away)

Saph: Hikaru, don't forget to fix the door! Anyway, now that that's all said and done, next up is...ULQUI-CHAN! Ulquiorra Schiffer! Send in those questions people! (goes off to ponder how he's going to get Ulquiorra to come...hmmm...maybe if I get Aizen to order him to come...)


End file.
